Tell Me the Truth

I am sitting on my dad's boat in the middle of the Kenai River and I realize something very important. My dad is a big fat liar! Don't worry. I mean this in the best way possible.

See, all fishermen are big fat liars. It's true. You can trust me because I am not a fisherman. I am a fisher-woman and therein lies the difference.

When you fish for Kings there are rules. Not rules really...they are more like guidelines. For example: "Hey! Caught any?" "Nope, not today! A few tugs, a small trout...nothing to speak of. How about you?" "Nope, just headin' back in for lunch!"

Sound harmless? Wrong. They are both LIARS. Big fat hairy liars. I say hairy because they are...they are men. Thing is; they all know it. It is in the rules. I mean, it is in the 'guidelines'.

Women on the other hand are much too sophisticated for such nonsense. Oh and there are women on the Kenai. Lot's of em'. Loads. And they are all catching fish...no, not just any fish, they are all catching Kings left and right, up and down that river. You should see them! Take me for example!

I am sitting there in my daddy's boat. I have a single line in the water because if I had, say, 3 lines in the water, that would be breaking the law. Anyway, I had just one little line in the water and I had been out there slaving away at this King fishing business all day long...hours upon hours...in the rain.....no...snow! Yes, snow. It was snowing! A little. Oh, that sunburn I had...uh...well I got that the day before. Stop asking questions, just listen.

As I was saying, I had been in that boat since sun up. You do know what time the sun comes up in Alaska in June don't you? Look it up. It is good for you to do that. Well, all of the sudden my one little line in the water drops. I say drop, but what I mean is, it SLAMS down into the water and doesn't come back up. You should have seen me jump into action. A professional at work I tell ya. Now hush, you know I grew up in Alaska...of course I am a professional!

I am pulling that King in, pulling that anchor in, pulling my pride in...all at the same time! I am humble in every circumstance. I am sophisticated. As I was saying, that King and I had a heart to heart. He tells me he doesn't really want to die. I tell him it is his time. He fights. Hard. For hours. He pulls me and the boat all over that river. Down a mile, left of the boat, right of the boat. I am sweating...a little....and fighting back. Everyone on the river (about 50 boats at least!) stop everything they are doing and watch in awe and extreme anticipation. One wrong move on my part and the line breaks. One slip and the King wins. He jumps out of the water. He dives. He goes for the boat. I pull. Hard. My hands are numb. My stomach is killing me. The pole is digging into my side and my wrist is about to snap.

I should say here that my mom and dad were actually in the boat with me. They, however, are not important. Honestly, I don't even know what they were doing...probably relaxing somewhere...with their feet up...drinking margaritas....yes, that is what they were doing. They should have been steering the boat or trying to net the King that was opposing death....they should have been coaching me and cheering me on. But they know that I am a professional and can do everything myself and so they relaxed and took it all in...their fabulous daughter catching her first King. First? Oh, yes, well, just because it was my first King doesn't mean that I am not a professional. I know people who are professionally stupid and they didn't have to practice..it just came naturally!

Anyway...just let me finish already! So, I pulled that rod up hard and then let it down fast while reeling that baby in. Over and over. Finally getting that King close enough to the boat to net. Finally heaving him into the boat and claiming victory! Shouts go up all around! One guy took his hat off and bowed to me. Clapping...high fives....hugs all around! That fish didn't have a chance in the face of such determination and expertise. Poor thing.

We weighed that fish. He was huge! He was like....100 pounds! Yeah, a hundred. I like that number. What? Is it true??! Of course it is! Didn't I just tell you that women don't lie? Didn't I tell you how sophisticated we women are? You can believe it baby. You and the fish.